Watch Out, It's the Toe of Satan!

Beware, O Mortals, for this is no ordinary lollipop. You shall find no strawberry or blueberry flavoring here. Nay, this lollipop is the Toe of Satan! ‘Twas dragged from this pits of hell itself (Satan wasn’t pleased, to be honest) and infused with the hottest of chili extracts. Many foolish and brave heroes have attempted the Toe of Satan challenge, but few have succeeded. Some have even counted the Toe among their unique gifts, foisting the challenge upon their loved ones. You can imagine how the Toe must taste, O Mortal, but you shall never know unless you attempt the challenge yourself.

Assert Your Dominance With Unique Gifts

Anyone can bring a fruit basket to a birthday party. But not you. Nay, you will assert your dominance with unique gifts. You do not concern yourself with the trifles of the earthly realm. Bring the Toe to the party and cement your reputation as the ultimate gift-giver. You shall be the Reigning Monarch of Unique Gifts. Nobody shall ever question your gift-giving skills ever again. Furthermore, the Toe tells your fellow mortals where they stand. By proffering the Toe of Satan, you may look your fellow mortal in the eye as if to say, “Why yes, I can handle the Toe of Satan Challenge. Can you?” And they shall quake in fear.

9 Million Scoville Units

“How hot can the Toe of Satan be?” ask the foolish mortals. We shall tell you. ‘Twas not an easy task, measuring this hellspawned lollipop against your earthly scales. After much effort, however, the Toe was placed upon the Scoville Scale and measured at 9 million heat units. What does this mean, you ask? Why, Scoville units measure the hottest of peppers, of course. The humble banana pepper ranges from 0 to 500 heat units. The Carolina Reaper, the world’s hottest pepper, is roughly 1.6 million units. The Toe of Satan tips the scales at 9 million units. Beware the power, mortals. Beware. Consume at your own risk, mortals. And above all else, keep the Toe away from children and pets. For if any should consume the Toe, it should be adults.

Can You Handle the Full Five Minutes?

Knowing what you now know, would you brandish the Toe of Satan among your unique gifts without trying it for yourself? Or would you look the recipient in the eye, saying that you have vanquished the Toe? Whether you covet the Toe for your own mission, or you simply desire unique gift for others, then you can find it here, at the kingdom of Try My Nuts. Order yours today so that you too may join the ranks of the victors.

We Have Snacks for Your Online Finals

So you finally nailed this online school thing. You've stopped accidentally unmuting yourself at the worst times. You've settled into a schedule without the help of a physical classroom. You embraced pajama bottoms even more than you would have anyway, you learned how to drown out your family's nonsense, and you even picked out some great quarantine snacks. But just when you've finally got the hang of virtual school, you realize that exam season is just around the corner. Whether you're dealing with midterms or finals, we're here to help. First, the American Revolutionary War ended in 1783. You're welcome. Second, we have the quarantine snacks you need to power yourself through your studies. Best Quarantine Snacks for Finals and Midterms What makes the best quarantine snacks for studying? We used a very scientific process (i.e., we ate a lot of snacks) to figure it out. Here's what we came up with. Portable First of all, you want something that

This Situation Calls for Nuts

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash This situation calls for nuts. “What situation?” you ask. It doesn’t matter. Pick a situation. Any event can be a great time for some nut gifts. Unless the recipient is allergic to nuts (and you should always ask), then nutty gifts make the best gifts. Any time you need to liven up the party, then you can always feel free to Try My Nuts. In the meantime, let’s take a closer look at some situations that need more nuts. Birthdays Happy birthday! Now go nuts ! What better message is there to send on a loved one’s birthday? You know, the best thing about nut gifts on birthdays is that nuts work for any age group. Turning 24? 50? 78? Try My Nuts! The recipient can share their nuts or hog them all. Either way, you’ll be the birthday hero with the best gift. Holidays Nuts work for any holiday. Need something to bring to the office Christmas party? Or something to bring to your brother’s house? Nut gifts will get the job done. Ever

Here Are 8 Sarcastic Snacks Because We've All Gotten A Little Snarky These Days

It’s no secret that we enjoy a little snark with our snacks . Nuts come with all sorts of tongue-in-cheek humor opportunities, and life’s too short to pretend that you don’t like puns. Well, this year has taken everyone’s sarcasm up a notch, because when the going gets tough, the tough use dark humor as a questionable coping mechanism. Anyway, if you’re feeling a little extra snarky and/or sarcastic, then these snacks are for you. Enjoy. 1. Here, Have A Stack Of Dee’s Nuts Hey, you want some of Dee’s Nuts? They make great snacks when you want to break up the monotony of quarantine. If you’re tired of your usual chips and pretzels, then Dee’s Nuts are here to help you make the most of things. Have you ever tried banana pudding flavored nuts? How about ranch peanuts? No? Well, there’s a first time for everything, so why not make your first time happen with Dee’s Nuts? You’ll remember it forever. 2. “You Suck” Mints Say What We’re All Thinking About 2020 Remembe